Tag: Christ

When the Heart is Ready

Sometimes I read something and there is no purchase.  Know what I mean?  The hooks aren’t in place or I have yet to have ‘taken the prerequisite?”

Last night I started rereading The Meaning of Mary Magdalene by Cynthia Bourgeault. In Chapter 4 of TM3, “The Gospel of Mary Magdalene,” I ‘got it’ at a level I hadn’t before. Here are some notes I took and my thoughts on them:

p.46 (bottom) – Jesus: “find contentment at the level of the heart, and if you are discouraged, take heart in the presence of the Image of your true nature.”  I receive that as instruction…and as significant as if it were one of Jesus’ commandments.  A few thoughts:  1) it reminds me of something my priest said at the beginning of my desire to ‘return’ to God.  I had said, “I’m not sure I believe,” and he replied, “For now, just know that your friends and I believe enough for you.” In other words, trust that there is more connecting you and securing you than just your sense of your faith.

2) It points out the REASON for habitual contemplation and centering prayer…to reinforce one’s dwelling at the level of the heart.  Abide there and find contentment there.  (Again…my profound grasp of the obvious.) and 3) Back in 1979, several things happened: I graduated from college, my sister suffered her stroke in Germany and was moved to DC after her surgery, I chose to go to DC to help care for her rather than go to grad school.  While in DC, I became interested in Christian faith and theology.  I read a lot of CS Lewis, at first.  I also read some deeper theologians (Karl Barth, was one) but I’m not sure who I was reading that addressed this same concept of the presence of one’s Image in another realm and the importance of being aligned with it.  I recall waking in the wee hours because I heard the ‘heavenly host’ singing; they were rejoicing in my spiritual ‘turning’ or arriving or in-turning.  I’ve always referred to that experience as my ‘being saved,’ if I was ever asked about being ‘saved.’

p.47 Jesus: “the Son of Humanity already exists within you.  Follow him, for those who seek him there will find him.”  I wrote in the word “in” after the instruction to “Follow him” because it behooves me (and might behoove others) to realize that He is not saying to walk the paths of the Holy Lands or even my neighborhood, but to follow Him inward because I will find Him there…within me.  It is not so much ‘What would Jesus DO?’ as it is ‘How did Jesus BE ?’  He, too, went inward.  He dwelt inward.  He abided inward.

p.47 Jesus: “do not lay down any further rules.”  I don’t think the “lest you…” is even necessary.

Jeff Foster, in his podcast with Sounds True, described how to discover one’s true nature by honoring what ‘comes up’…what one feels (pain, fear, anger,…).  By allowing and respecting one’s feelings and reactions, one opens them to the elements and one’s clutching of them dissipates.  You own it….and that’s all.  It goes.  No struggle, no force, no clutch, not really any striving.  When the cap is released and the fumes dissipate, one’s true nature is all that remains and one is able to ‘rest,’ as he put it.  This…sans fumes…is one’s true nature…one’s origin or at least one’s transmitted or analogue Image.  ..how one is.

p.48  CB relates: “…ignorance of one’s true nature, is to blame for the suffering of this world.  Acting in ways that are ‘adulterous in nature’ (stems from) a failure to stay in alignment with origin…with the ‘root’ of one’s nature.”  …again, the REASON for frequent and habitual contemplation and the regular practice of centering prayer.

‘Bad’ or ‘Good’

Have you ever been on the receiving end of “maybe if we ignore her, she will go away?” Sometimes, it can even feel that way when posing a question to God.  (However, I usually give God the benefit of the doubt knowing that God’s voice is sometimes very very small.)  Have you ever looked back on nearly 62 years of life and thought, “What ?!?!”

Late last week, I wrestled with the realization that I have tried all of my life to be a good person…kind, sweet, patient, compassionate, respectful.  I have not always been successful but it was my goal…my intention…because I was raised to believe that I was a  bad person …naughty, dirty, nasty, and mean.  That was the default assumption of my parents (for whatever reason.)  If I looked pretty by the world’s standards, my father said I looked like a street walker…a slut.  If I had a friendship, my father assumed it was sexual.  If I purchased the wrong thing for my mother, she assumed it was because I hated her.  If my care-giving of an invalid sister didn’t work out, it must have been because I was having an affair with her husband.  If I were struck with a belt by an adult friend of the family, I must have been doing something wrong to deserve it.

This craziness extended well into…well, the present.  “No, I’m not going to look at your data compression routine because you’re not smart enough to write something that sophisticated.” “No, you don’t get to (whatever); You lack credibility.”  “This is not a family business; it is my business and you have no place in it.”  “No, Catherine, you can’t have what you want.”  “You have wanted out of this situation for a long time; are you sure you didn’t poison her by feeding her organic food?”

On and on.

The world’s response to me has been the polar opposite of what I have deserved.  I did not do anything wrong; it wasn’t my fault; I am not bad.  Unfortunately, I am not made of bronze like the little girl on Wall Street.

So this past weekend, I decided to stop trying to prove my parents (and siblings, and co-workers) wrong; I’m almost 62 years old. I let it go…and I let go.  I decided to sink down into my sinful nature, if that is in fact what I have.  Perhaps my parents had known the truth, that I had at some point been bought by the devil and I was purely bad..  So be it.  I am tired of the defense.

To prove my change of intention, I essentially withdrew from a Lenten course (which had brought up the subject of darkness).  I had been open and vulnerable in sharing my story and loving in response to others but because I don’t quite fit in, (essentially, I didn’t graduate from the right schools), I was being ignored by the leader.  So, I made one final comment and deleted all of the comments I had written since March 1st, not wanting anyone to be able to look back and see why I might have left.

Days later, no one seems to have noticed my absence.  I expect myself to be angry or resentful or bitter.  I have a reason to clutch and rail..to identify myself as a victim.  Yet, I do not.  I feel unappreciated but certainly not surprised.  (Have you ever felt stunned or appalled…yet not surprised?)

Then, yesterday, I killed a bird…a robin.  Actually, it flew into my car but that was my undoing.  I had to pull over out of traffic and I wailed.  (“Blessed little bird…I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry…”)  The crying released a whole lot of hurt…a lifetime of hurt.  I was wailing over my…albeit unwitting…participation in harm, my being a contributor to the pain in the world…in hurting an innocent created thing.   I was also crying for all of the small beings (people as well as birds) throughout the world and throughout time who are lost, alone, and beat up without deserving it.  I cried for children, as well as 61-year-old women, who feel tossed, misunderstood, wrongfully accused, neglected, and unprotected…people who haven’t a chance and have no way of knowing how to get a chance.

I assumed, as I cried, that darkness would take over me; that I would, from this point on, rage against the light and the dark alike…that I would inflict my wrath and indignation over injustice at every turn.  But…that didn’t happen, either.  When I envisioned facing my (possible) ‘dark owner,’ my response was “No.  My God can deliver me but if He does not, I will not worship you nor will I obey your commands…nor will I allow your precepts to influence my behavior.  So there.”

Yeah, I was a little angry.

But, then I was at peace.  I suppose my relatively new habit of releasing whatever and maintaining an open heart has been too well learned.  If, in fact, I have been sold to the devil, I have not been changed into one. I am still inherently kind, loving, and compassionate.  Go figure.

If God, for whatever reason, has allowed the dark side to have its way with me, apparently, I still have free will.  I exercise that free will and still chose to not go that route.  The eternal divine may be allowing me an either/or.  I choose Christ.

 

(I borrowed the image from the internet.  It belongs to CNN.)

My thoughts on tonight’s National Championship

Is the world ready for an affirmation of how Dabo Swinney is raising these young men and starting them off on their lives?

Yes, I know…this is about football.  It’s a game.

It’s all a game.  The key point is how you play the game.  And not just that; it’s how you prepare for the game, respond to the winning and losing of the game, and deal with every play.

Clemson Tigers are taught about life…and football is the language they are taught in.

Dabo Swinney, beloved inspirational speaker, has opened his heart to God and dedicates his presence, his words, and his actions to communicating to players, coaches, fans, spectators, and even people from Alabama, what it means to align oneself…one’s life…with God.

Bless him.

And God bless the Clemson Tigers.

Go Tigers!  I’m ALL IN.

“We still control our destiny”

After Clemson’s heartbreaking loss last Saturday night, I looked forward to hearing some wisdom from a most beloved inspirational speaker, Dabo Swinney.  But when I heard Dabo remind his audience that “We still control our destiny,” I thought, what about God?

I have seen Dabo and the team members acknowledge God when entering the stadium and after making a touch down. I knew Dabo was known for his faith, so I did some research.

I will direct you to an article from The Chronicle of Higher Education, November 24, 2013, in which the author describes the spiritual climate at Clemson, particularly as it is fed by the faith of Dabo Swinney and other members of the staff. I quote from the article, With God on Our Side,

At Clemson, God is everywhere. The team’s chaplain leads a Bible study for coaches every Monday and Thursday. Another three times a week, the staff gathers for devotionals. Nearly every player shows up at a voluntary chapel service the night before each game.

The players all know the coach’s favorite Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 9:24-25: “Run your race to win, don’t just run the race.”

“I’m a Christian,” Coach Swinney tells Clemson recruits. “If you have a problem with that, you don’t have to be here.”

The article goes on to describe how players have been baptized on the field, dedicating their lives to Christ, with team mates as witnesses.  Coaches and staff members address all aspects of a player’s character, not just the player’s catching or running skills. Dabo and the rest of the staff and team turn to Christ not just to thank Him for a win, but also for wisdom when they lose. After a painful loss, Dabo prayed, “Lord, help us learn from this. We take glory in everything You do, win or lose.”

In my introduction to this blog, I describe what I mean by a teachable moment and I point out that athletic coaches have a unique opportunity to make an impact on a young person’s life; athletic events are teachable moments by their very crisis nature. By setting the focus of each athletic competition and the focus of life, as a whole, as being a spiritual race run with Christ, Dabo demonstrates how one controls one’s destiny. Setting one’s life to be Christ-centered, Christ-focused, and Christ-worthy is the best possible strategy for one’s life and one’s destiny…temporal and eternal.

Ebenezer (Ebo) Ogundeko, a freshman from Brooklyn, N.Y., picked the Tigers over Alabama, Ole Miss, Notre Dame, and other programs. One of his reasons: “I felt like coming to Clemson would bring me closer to Jesus,” he told The Chronicle. “Most dudes on the team, they take their religion very seriously, and their relationship with Jesus Christ. They’ve encouraged me to move closer and closer to God.”

I believe that what our Creator wants is our reconciliation with Him. To encourage a young person to move closer and closer to God…through dedication, through prayer, through sharing, through outward demonstration…affects one’s destiny, in the best possible way.

Dabo was right. We all control our destiny.

When dark clouds are on the horizon…

Many many people are in a panic because of the outcome of the election.  I empathize and would be in a panic, too, except that over the past few years I have found my refuge.  I have needed to go there frequently because of a variety of disasters, catastrophes, and onslaughts.  If Viktor Frankl can survive Auschwitz concentration camps by going to his refuge, so can we.

I am ‘borrowing’ the following thoughts from a post I wrote several months ago…a post which probably now belongs to word press.  I am not implying that any elected official is evil.  I am addressing how I respond to situations that leave me feeling fearful and despairing.  I believe now, as then, it is a time to hunch up close to Jesus:

This morning, …I felt powerless, minuscule, and controlled.  But then I remembered, I have God…not that God is in my back pocket and that I can whip Him out at a moment’s notice and hack and slash at my enemy, but it is a similar situation as fighting evil.  I am called to do what I can to be vigilant and to protect myself and loved ones with prayer and condemnations of Satan and his minions in the name of Christ.

However, when I am feeling weak in the over-arching presence of users, manipulators, and terrifying possibilities, I am reminded of a sweet homily given at the funeral of an 18-month-old child.  The wise minister did not give the typical come-to-Jesus sermon to his captive audience; instead, he addressed our pain and confusion over why God allowed this to happen.  Try as he did to satisfy our non-understanding, the words I clearly remember were, “Now is a time to hunch up close to Jesus.”

There are forces and actions in this world that are just not understandable.  Taking on the forces of evil is less effective and more dangerous than tilting at windmills; one can get lost in the darkness and overwhelmed by it.  I’ve said it before, this is not heaven; this is the life before the afterlife.  The safest place for me to be is hunched up close to Jesus.  He has the power to control and defeat the users and manipulators; I do not.  When I try to, I weaken myself by becoming angry, fearful, anxious, and destructive.  Those attitudes open me up to being influenced by evil and I refuse to play into that.

Say what you will; I may be turning a blind eye to the users and manipulators but am I turning a blind eye to evil when I refuse to focus on it?  I don’t think so.  I am weak. I am vulnerable.  But, hunched up close to Jesus, I am as safe as I can be in this life.  When I can’t feel Him directly with His hand on my head or His arm about my shoulders, I hear His voice or see His sweet gentle smile.  If I am not aware of any of this, I read His words and focus on His promises, because I know that in His presence the evil one shrinks, cringes, and slithers away defeated.

There are, and always will be in this life, users and manipulators.  I can not defeat them.  But, God has His ways.  The Holy Spirit is not computer illiterate.  The more technology advances, the more vehicles the Holy Spirit has.  I am not afraid or in doubt as to Who will win this battle.  It is decided; it is done.  All that is left is for it to play out.  There will be casualties and there will be victories, but, again, this is not heaven.

Thanks be to Jesus…

And to God be the Glory…